Fatherhood: The Greatest Thing and the Hardest Thing About Being a Man

There are many different opinions on what makes a good father and what things you should teach your children as a father. The thing is, being a father is different for everyone. There is nothing in this world, and no amount of preparation, that will truly prepare you to be a father.

For me personally being a father was my greatest fear, aside from not being able to protect and care for my loved ones. I was terrified of being a dad. I would always ask myself:

Am I a good enough person to be a father?

How can I care for and teach a child?

What if I mess up as a father?

These were but a few of the questions that would constantly run through my head when I was thinking about being a father. But I wanted a family so I set my fear aside and focused on what I could do instead of the what if.

When my son was born, I was beyond happy. I was so excited and so nervous. When I looked at him, all I could feel was love for him. I knew instantly that I would do anything for him. I would always try and protect him. I would always be there for him.

He had to stay in the NICU when he was first born. It was so hard for me to have to stand by knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt absolutely helpless as I stood and watched them put an IV in my brand-new baby boy’s hand. All I could do was pray that he would be able to fight and that his body would heal.

After 3 days of antibiotics, we were finally able to take him home. I cannot express the amount of absolute love that I have for my son. I love being a dad, but being a father is hard. It is hard to hear your child cry and not know why they are crying or how you can fix it. It’s hard when you feel frustrated, your child is screaming, and you are not sure what to do. But these hardships that come from not knowing what to do are small when compared with the joy you feel from your child smiling up at you with wonder in their eyes, or the first time they say “dada.”

Being a father changes your perspective on the world and how you do things. You consider others before yourself. You think more about things like: What if my kid did that? How would I handle it? You take less risks so that you can always come home to your family and be there for them.

Being a father is so important in a family. Children need both their mother and father, both working together to provide the best care for their child. Society has tried to diminish the importance of fathers in families. Society seems to look down on fathers for wanting to protect and lead their families. But fathers have responsibilities to their family as well as desires to do the right thing for their family. Fathers have flaws and make mistakes but I truly believe that fathers want to do the right thing for their family and make their family happy. Fathers are not always good at displaying this to their loved ones.

We often do many things behind the scenes for our family that others do not see which leads to judgment. I think all too often dads are judged by those around them. This judgment comes from people who aren’t around the family as much or people who are close but not a spouse or their children. If you work too much, you are a workaholic and not there for your child. If you work less to be there for your child, then you’re lazy because you don’t want to work.

People judge how a father disciplines their kids. If you gently discipline, then you are letting your kid do whatever they want and not taking responsibility for anything. If you discipline too much then you are abusive or have the potential to be abusive.

Being a dad is hard enough without others judging you.

I think that most dads want to do what is right and provide and spend time with their families, but finding a balance between these things while also dealing with the worries of being a father can be difficult.

How can I provide for my family?

How am I going to pay for this?

How can we do something fun for the family and still make things work?

These thoughts mixed with feelings of inadequacy and depression while trying to still being strong for your family can take a toll on fathers.

You are not alone.

 I think that most of us fathers feel inadequate and unworthy at times, in addition to being worried about how we are going to do all these things for our family. Fathers have a strength to be able to manage all these things and deal with these hardships. Sometimes, it feels like dads can’t talk about these things or talk about what they are struggling with. But you have to take care of yourself to take care of your family.

So, what can we do when we are struggling? Giving your children your time is one of the most important things you can do. This means much more than having a father who has enough money to buy you everything you want. Time and attention help children grow into better people who are prepared for the trials that come in life. Spending time with your children can also show you what is really important in life, and give you a moment to count your blessings over your hardships.

There is no greater feeling than when my son wants to spend time with me. Children want their parents’ attention, and the joy and wonder that shines in their eyes when you spend time with them is something you will never forget. Memories stay with them as you spend time with them. But they also stay with you.

I have learned so much about being a father from being a father. I love my son more than words can express. One of the greatest things that fatherhood has taught me is about my relationship with our Heavenly Father and how he sees us. Our Father in Heaven truly looks at us as small children. The way I look at my son must be how he sees all of us. He encourages us to pick ourselves back up and try again, just like a baby learning to walk. He loves us with a love that cannot be expressed with words. To me this is the same feeling that I had the first time I got to see and hold my baby boy.

He is always there for us even if we don’t want him to be. He gives us his time and we can always turn to him. I want to be a father who my son can come to no matter what is going on and know that I will be there for him, listen to him and put him first. I want my children to be able to come to me and be able to tell me anything. Being a father has drawn me closer to our Heavenly Father and has helped me in more ways than I can count. This has made me a better man, a better husband, and a better father. It has taught me so many things and I am still learning so many things.

I am not at all perfect at being a father, but I am trying to be a good dad. I make mistakes and will make mistakes, but I am trying.

If you are a father and ever feel like you don’t know what you are doing or if you can do this, remember being a father doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Enjoy the little things. Try your hardest. And above all else, don’t give up. Get really good at picking yourself back up no matter what happens.  Saying you’re sorry, apologizing quickly and meaning it, and being forgiving goes a long way.

Being a dad is the greatest honor. It is one of the most difficult things, but it is WORTH IT.

Written By: Dominick Sellers

Dominick graduated from Utah Valley University with a bachelor’s degree in psychology in 2021. He has a passion for helping those who are suffering from mental health issues, especially youth, and is currently employed doing just that at Huntsman Mental Health Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah. He enjoys spending most of his time with his wife and son and is excited to welcome a new baby into the family in February.